Saturday, August 8, 2009

Un-tanning and my "mental disorder"

I don't title my posts until I'm done typing all of this. I might start thinking the real subject of this blog-bit is one thing and title the post after that. But then my thoughts go in a completely random direction and the title makes no sense. Just so you know that. Actually this blog will probably be even MORE blabbery and run on and all of that. If there is a single comma within this, it'll be a miracle. Oh look there's one. Yaaaayyy! *unenthusiastic Kermit the frogesque arm failing*

Before I start whining, you should know I've never really been sunburned. I mean, bad, painful blisteringy peeling and all of that sunburned. So the fact that I'm what some people would consider *barely* sunburned is multiplied for me or something. It SEEMS that much worse because I have nothing to compare it to. Alright I'm done explaining:

I'm sunburned and it hurts and it itches only I can't scratch it because arrrrggg then it would just hurt like nuts and just itch more ahhhh it ITCHES!!! I wish I had some of this goop:

Hooray for goop. (crud that's a huge picture of goop. Oh well.)

The TV is on in the background. Some dog training show on Animal Planet. I'm not the least bit interested but I NEED the noise. Just for background noise. I freak out in silence. I notice all the minor little noises like the people next door's weird mariachi music or something that sounds like footsteps or you get the point. I stop what I'm doing a lot of the time just to check on things and even if I don't I'm just like "WFT was that?" I freak out really easily.

It's actually pretty late considering I'm exhausted from swimming for like 4 hours and getting sunburned. I really don't sunburn that easily. I don't tan either. I freckle and that's all. So maybe when this "sunburn" goes away it'll turn into a tan? Is that what happens? I have to go through this burny, waterlogged, chlorine-ified state just to tan a LITTLE? I really don't get why I don't tan. I'm ITALIAN, for Pete's sake. We're supposed to be BORN tan. But nooooo. I FRECKLE. Freckles all over my face that make me look like I'm perpetually 6, (I'd rather let people figure that out AFTER they find out what I'm like. :) ) and random mole-looking freckles on my forearms that if I stare at them long enough I convince myself I have skin cancer? Maybe it's because I'm a "worrier" (I prefer "cautious". Hmph.) or probably because in 4th grade our health teacher taught us the "ABCDE"s of cancerous moles. AND showed us slideshows of said moles! Wow. EW. Thanks for that. One more thing to obsess over.

You would think that because I KNOW and ACCEPT (sort of) the fact that I have tons of abnormal stupid worries/fears/neuroseez would lead to just getting over it. Acceptance is the road to recovery or something, right? Nope. defines neurosis as: a long-term disorder featuring anxiety and/or exaggerated behavior dedicated to avoiding anxiety; sufferers understand that the condition is abnormal.

Heck yes I have that. Especially the understanding part. I mean, it's not MAJOR *see: PSYCHOSIS* (Oh yay I don't have anything with "psycho" in the name. Psycho means it's WORSE. And that would probably mean I need "professional help". Whoop-dee.) And I GET OVER IT for stretches, and then when I'm just bored/not constantly distracting my brain I latch on to things and proceed to freak out. Then I forget about it for a while and the "cycle" starts again. It's not life altering or blah, I've accepted it as a personality trait until just now, when I figured out it actually has a NAME. That just makes it official. Oh well.


I really should just go to bed. But it's hot out. And humid. Nyah. I'm tired, but not sleepy. There's a difference. I'm tired, so I WISH I could fall asleep just so I don't have to feel like this, but not sleepy wherein I could actually just FALL ASLEEP. I say actually a lot, actually. Ok, going to try to fix this. I wonder if it's just because I'm typing while barely thinking or if I say it this much in real life conversation.

At the very least I should turn off the computer. It's been on pretty much all day so it'll probably decide to start hating me in about an hour or so. Oh well I'll have posted this by then hopefully so it won't interfere with this blog.

Yay. I have FINALLY run out of things to say. (for now, of course.) So, if you're reading this, g'night! I leave you with this because it made me laugh:

Or did it just make me laugh because either:
a.) Pineapples are funny.
b.) I'm easily amused.
c.) I'm possibly suffering sleep-deprivation.

The correct answer is of course D. If you don't know what the answer is always guess D.

Good night. I'm not really even going to attempt to sleep I'm going to watch whatever's on TV (oh it's 10:30-ish there's an SNL rerun on. Wish they'd start showing classic SNL's at like 2:00 am again... *sigh*) and eventually fall asleep maybe and dream about who-knows-what. I don't remember my dreams often. Maybe I'll dream about blogging...

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