Friday, September 4, 2009

Dear So and So: Repetitive for a reason.

Really, all of my "Dear So and So's" could be so much like this one it is not even funny. It's Friday, dangit. That's just how I feel.

Dear So and So...

But, in an attempt to actually have something of substance to say, I'll think of another...

Dear KGHS (Kelley Green High *or hellish* School)

Oh yes, this was your nickname up until now. But I am announcing to you that you will henceforth be known as the MJWTFHS. The Michael Jackson School of What The F. Sure, you already play MJ songs during passing periods, and as the "announcement" intro. Are you simply doing this to capitalize on the resurgence of MJ's popularity? Even the seniors weren't born until 1991, wherein he was *almost* a certified creeper/weirdo/whatever, but stiiilll notquite. Not legally. Do you think just because he is now dead those of us between the ages of 14-18 now worship him the way your administrators may have when they were "our age"? Hmmm. No.

Nonetheless, I feel the need to be supportive of your name change. It is well deserved at this point, seeing as a HUGE open hallway leading to most of the main staircases was blocked --by a group of seniors campaigning to be "Kings of the Couch", by raising school spirit and whatnot-- trying to do such spirit-raising by beating conga-ish shaped drums and waving a boombox blasting "The Way You Make Me Feel", this being only one of the several applications of the music of Michael Jackson I have noted within the last two weeks. Some suggestions to *truly* dedicate the school to the mission of its namesake...

**NEW** School Colors: Ummm... are sparkles a color??? Yeah. (much better than the KG, I must say...)

Mission Statement: We are committed to breeding individuals capable of producing the genuinely "WTF" moments only previously achieved by THE Michael Jackson.

New Classes Available: Moonwalking-- for Fun and Fitness
Become a Superstar, Wreck Your Career, and Become Famous Again
The Art of WTF
Plastic Surgery: When to Say NO. **not required for those who can pass the exam in advance. Hint: The answer to #1 is "NEVER."**

Mascot: Chimp (again, much improved from Duke, if I must say so myself...)

Concerned Freshman

Dear Mustachioed/Bearded Men of the World

No offense, there's been a lot of particularly famous ones among you, (Groucho Marx, Einstein, and Billy Mays come to mind quickly...) but y'all creep me out a little. (I only revert to talking Southern when I am sincerely creeped.) Facial hair is just EW. Not only would I imagine it FEELS like a tarantula eating your face, it makes you look... Ick. If perchance I happen to marry one of you, you're shaving it IMMEDIATELY. (I know that's superficial, but if YOU love ME, you'll accept that I'm not going to accept your half-eaten face and sacrifice it in the name of love.)

Lovingly yet still creeped out,


Can you spot all the things wrong with this picture? I can. *shudder*

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