(The above: a quote from the wonderful Stephen Fry, who is probably better at most things than a vast majority of people, but who is too polite to say so. And whose voice sounds like *insert simile here*... I am in love with it. That is all. Anyway, besides being eloquently written and beautiful, it's true. I found it on Wikiquote, which I also love, and have been searching for free access in some way to the autobiography it is from. Which, given his style of writing and my obsession over biographies, should be superb.)
The longer version of this quote (I'm paraphrasing. And over-dramatizing. And adding bits that apply to me that I see as universal.) is that all teenagers by nature have somewhat the self-perception of "Nonconformity! Yay! I am an individual, a loner; society is flawed and I'm the only one who can see it. Woe be to they who cannot see above the world they all live in, but I am awesomer than them. If they don't like me, screw 'em. I CAN and I MUST fix this for the good of everyone else. If, in that process, I cease to be a nonconformist, then I am nobly willing to do so. And then they will love me, because I have inspired deep thoughts within the very rawness of their souls and illuminated them to the error of their ways. I CAN and I MUST leave a permanent scar of triumph on the beautiful face that is humanity. *humble bow* *thunderous applause*"
Which is also true. Personally... yeah, it's true. Just because I'm aware of this doesn't mean I'm going to change it. It's probably a violently skewed view of my role in the universe, but this is derived from necessity. Reality is a heartless bitch. It's incredibly probable that I may amount to nothing significant in the big picture of things, history, the world, et cetera. Graduating from U of I with a BA in English, writing, getting published occasionally and having a part-time job at an indie bookstore/coffee shop but being a virtual unknown. (Or worse, which very literally frightens me. The words "Wal-Mart" and/or "desk job" come up.) But I am very important in my own universe, glancing into the universes of people I know from time to time. Seeing how small I am, now in particular, would make my head explode. I acknowledge this, and then gratefully crawl back into my hole of informed nonconformity.
I often make light of how *awful* my life is and how when I am famous, yet educated and traveled and philanthropic and living as a recluse in a cabin in Wyoming somewhere, watching snow fall non-picturesquely (because pretty snow is cliche), and grayly and dimly ponder the light flurries of February in Wyoming whilst typing on a secondhand vintage typewriter the ensuing memoirs encompassing this period of time in my life will be dramatically heart wrenching and inspiring and all the other adjectives truly good memoirs actually are. This is partly to be satirical of all the other teenage stereotypes, and partly because it's something I desperately want.
So, did that just inflate my ego a little? Of course. Stephen Fry used the word "right" whilst describing something applicable to me.