Manly Showering Techniques

**VERY IMPORTANT: This entry is nowhere near as wrong as the title makes it sound. It made sense in my head. Having a moderately perverted mind while at the same time being unable to think about things before I say/type them is problematic.**

There's a name for (and a country associated with) the way I shower. And I don't know how to feel about that.

Backstory: I am not a morning person. The only way I've figured out to snap myself into functioning like a human being at six in the morning is to shower most of the way with a reasonable temperature maintained, and then force it to as cold as possible for the last 20 seconds. It is unpleasant. That's the point. There is no way in hell I can think about how it's six in the morning and that sucks and that I'm probably going to go back to bed. Because I would, if I were thinking about that and not an egregiously long string of profanities.

I've been doing this for a while and today I decided to see if I might be slowly killing myself in the process (because DAYUM that's what it feels like). Google knows everything. The second result for "hot to cold shower benefits" is from artofmanliness.com. (It's huge. *Heh, the manliness is huge. Heheheheh...** The WEBSITE, I mean. There are many articles on how to become more manly/subjects of interest to serious manly men. And probably beard grooming. I didn't care to look further, I just found it amusing. Amusing that such a website exists, and that I--of all people--shower like a badass/scotsman/James Bond/man. Irony FTW. Are all the James Bonds Scottish? Annnd, with that statement I have reestablished my girliness. Sean Connery is Scottish, I know that, but there's been like 20 of them. Like the Doctor but without the pseudoscientific reasoning and fictional species-ness. Or James Bond is a Time Lord. Yeaaah...) and there are. Including improved circulation, energy and mood. And sperm. Yeah.

The Tune Is Lovely But The Lyrics Are Disturbing (part 1 in a series)